Sex and the City 2

An eyewitness testimony

The following transcript is the only information we were able to retrieve out of our test subject before it completely descended into madness. Patient W volunteered for this project and all medical damages he had to suffer during the course of this experiment were self-inflicted. The patient was neither forced to watch this movie nor did we in any way encourage alcoholism in any way. Here is what we were able to recreate:

00:00:00:00
O.k. I haven’t seen the first Sex and the City or any episode of the Television series for that matter, so I am not quite sure if I’ll be able to follow the story. Anyway to prepare myself I’ve already donned a beer and the second one is in my hand right now, so bring it on!

00:04:08:15
So I’m not really sure, why there was a creepy flashback of actor-look-alikes, maybe from a previous season or am I already imagining things?
Second beer half empty.

00:15:23:42
So right now we are visiting a gay wedding and with gay wedding I mean the most stereotypical flamboyant gaylords, because gays can’t be portrayed as normal people right?

00:18:40:30
Left room: people fucking
Right room: children screaming
Middle room: Carrie in the middle room… how symbolic, has anything happened yet?

00:22:some:thing
Feeling way too sober to watch this movie. Hypothetically… not that I am considering it, but IF (much emphasis placed on that if) I would in theory take a shot every time Carrie switches dresses… it might not end well. But of course I wouldn’t drink during any movie because I might miss what really makes this film… where’s the bottle?

00:38:19:09
O.k. if I am understanding this correctly then the main conflict in this movie is that her husband has bought a TV instead of giving her an immensely priced ring or something, now that’s a down to earth conflict we can relate to, if I ever marry I’ll remember this, oh damn she is even changing dresses when she’s at home.

00:42:or:mo:re
Dress change! Isn’t that great? We are together with 4 screaming not at all shallow “women” heading to Abu Dhabi and while not impressed by a TV a box of Pringles (registered Trademark) does the charm apparently. I guess this movie won’t turn into a commentary about the negative sides of endless consumerism and how other people are being exploited so that whoever they are meeting can afford 4 limousines to pick up Carrie and her faceless friends.

00:do:n’t:ca:re
Decided to take a shot only every second time she changes her dress or otherwise I’ll be unlikely to make it until the end. So basically I have already spent an hour with four devils who value their jewellery more than their children.
No seriously: cut out the wedding, if you start 40 minutes into the movie you won’t miss any information that is important for the so-called story, that’s almost New Moon standards.

01:30:or:so
If I weren’t that drunk I’d be really angry right now, seriously why would people watch this movie sober?

01……….
What are they doing?
Why are they doing what they are doing?
And why should I give a damn that they are not aroused by muscle-bound young men?

St:il:lu:nd:er:2h:ou:rs
What is the point of this movie? And I don’t mean that I am not satisfied with what I believe I’m seeing on the screen, I literally don’t understand what this movie attempts to do. All it does is make me want to punch those four preachy, spoiled, egocentric women for being the shallow caricatures they are – not sure if that’s the director’s intention.

Wa:yt:oo:lo:ng
Hey maybe this is some kind of bizarre surreal comedy about female stereotypes and I just don’t realise the clever satire, ah whatever, where’s my drink?

Al:mo:st:2h:ou:rs
Having faced the choice between actually watching this movie or risking a hospital stay I went with the latter and am now back to a shot every time Carrie changes her dress. Tell my family I love them.

Wa:y:ov:er:2h:ou:rs
Is that thing still on? Maybe I am imagining things but it seems like the producers tried to make commentary about different cultures which culminated in a sequence where I’m still not sure if it is more racist than it is shallow or the other way round.

The experiment ended shortly afterwards in a suicide attempt of the test subject. He is now slowly rehabilitating and is now again able to speak in full sentences. He has already volunteered for another field test: The Twilight Triple feature this Sunday.

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