What movies to watch?

It’s a slow years for movies, so much is for sure, after How to train your Dragon and Kick-Ass there was a long and I mean really long pause until we got the special double treatment with Inception and Toy Story 3.
I’ll only post my year’s top five because if I would post a top 10 I would have to include movies like Predators, Karate Kid…. Hell even Streetdance 3D. The Top five is pretty solid, but besides that most of the other entertainment in Austrian multiplexes is a lukewarm thing.

1. Inception
2. Kick-Ass
3. Toy Story 3
4. How to train your Dragon
5. Fantastic Mr. Fox

Combined with the fact that most of the movies that come out in America take way too long to reach Austria and because I was asked by a friend “what movies can we look forward to?” I decided to take a look at the finale of the year 2010 (plus January) – be wary that those are not all movies that come out, but the ones that are either sold to us as “entertainment” and those who I am looking forward to for whatever bizarre reason.

13.8. Cats and Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore
It’s a movie about talking animals, which apparently is enough premise to make a second movie about that thing, it features 3d because that’s easy money and… yeah that’s about it.
Just look at the trailer: a robotic squirrel delivers a message and ends with “this message will self-destruct, but first.. a little dance” then it features some diddelido music and explodes. Now I know we all shouldn’t be too hard on children’s movies, since they are all good fun, but seriously?
Bad enough that they insert youtube songs that are popular right now, but also in a way that defies every logic known to mankind, why a dance? Sure… apparently that’s cute, but even the dumbest joke should have some internal logic… ah whatever, you watch it, it’s your own fault.

Excitement: 08%


20.8. Letters to Juliet
Romance movies… probably the toughest genre to predict and the easiest to be prejudiced against. I’ll try to keep an open mind.

Excitement: 20%


20.8. Last Airbender


Even if I didn’t know that the movie currently has a craptastic rating of 7% on rottentomatoes.com, the movies of M. Night Shyamalan have shown a downhill trend. Starting with a spectacular debut with The Sixth Sense, hailed as the next great filmmaker, Shyamalan proceeded to make o.k. primetime entertainment (Unbreakable, Signs). Later on he wanted to be mysterious, but failed (The Village) and his latest two works hurt enough when I read the story synopsis on Wikipedia (Lady in the Water, The Happening).
Last Airbender – otherwise known as “the-movie-that-isn’t-allowed-to-be-called-Avatar-because-James-Cameron-is-gonna-kick-M-Night-if-he-dares” – was not only critically panned, but also accused of racism and with it being post-converted to 3d we see the signs of desperate quick moneymaking before the audience realizes they were robbed

Excitement: 00%


20.8. Salt
Who is Salt? Angelina Jolie.
Do I care? Nope.
Will she kill the president? Nope.

Excitement: 30%


27.8. Step Up 3d
It’s 3d – get it? Because it’s the third part.
And third is 3…. Like in 3d…. right?

Excitement: 30%


27.8. The Expendables
Yes I’m a male, yes I want to see this movie!
Do I care that this might be the biggest load of trash this summer?
I HAD TO SIT THROUGH THREE TWILIGHT MOVIES!!!! I EARNED THE RIGHT TO SEE EXPENDABLES A MILLION TIMES!!!

Excitement: 70%


27.8. Splice

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6o_Vl2f07Q]
Adrien Brody plays a scientist who is making the final step in cell-research: creating life! But what are the consequences? An intriguing concept that might address the ethical fundament of genetic-research. A potentially scary horror movie, but maybe also a touching story about two scientists discovering a new life form that wants to have the right to live as well.

Excitement: 60%


2.9. Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Nicolas Cage was awesome in Kick-Ass and I have yet to see Bad Lieutenant, but Sorcerer’s Apprentice doesn’t look like anything else than generic uninspired fantasy.

Excitement: 40%


3.9. Bal-Honey

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IF5JkVWjKgE]
A Turkish movie about bee-keepers, winner of the Golden Bear in Berlin 2010, so I’d say “better keep an eye on that one”.

Excitement: 50%


10.9. Vampires Suck
There will be a special article, why you MUST NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!

Excitement: 00%


17.9. Resident Evil – Afterlife
A series that started as a zombie movie, then turned into a woman who could blast GPS-satellites with her mind, yeah you get the picture how much sense that makes plus the trailer insists to tell us more about the 3d than the actual “story”, so you can fill in the blanks.

Excitement: 13%


24.9. Jud Süß
Austrian/German production about the famous NS propaganda movie “Jud Süß”

Excitement: 55%


24.9. Eat Pray Love
My sister loves the book, there seems to be a big fanbase that wants to see this movie plus Julia Roberts stars in it, but the trailer hasn’t made any impression on me.

Excitement: 20%


24.9. Dinner for Schmucks
Comedy with Steve Carell, hit or miss.

Excitement: 30%


1.10. Despicable Me


The premise of this animation movie is to show the life of an evil mastermind. I’m curious since this is the first mainstream animated non-Pixar movie that doesn’t feature cutesy animals that talk and make pop culture references.

Excitement: 60%


1.10. Wall Street 2
Have to watch the first one to form an opinion if I want to see the second one, but I’m not sure if I buy Shia LaBeouf as a business man, still the guy was amazing in Indiana Jones, so you never know.

Excitement: N/A

7.10. Piranha 3d


Hint hint… it’s the third part!

But this movie looks stupid enough to be really entertaining. I hope that Piranha 3d realizes it’s inherent silliness and embraces the fact that this is a cheap Jaws-knock-off like the original Piranha. This is a movie where I want to see everything: exploitation-movie shots, pointless nudity, in your face popping 3d, a movie so stupid – it might be the only candidate to run against Shocklabyrinth 3d for the Speed Racer award of the year.

Excitement: 40%


8.10. The Road

Wow… it only took one full year until this movie appeared on our screens, job well done. Still the source material about a dystopian earth is pretty intense and touching at the same time, but I don’t see how it can be adapted to the big screen and do the book justice. Yet we shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Featuring Viggo Mortensen this might be a good movie, but if it’s anything like the book it will be a movie you only watch once.

Excitement: 65%


14.10. Buried

Now that’s something my horror-heart is looking for, a claustrophobic thriller about a guy waking up in a coffin, trying to get out. Featuring Ryan Reynolds the movie is distributed by Lionsgate – a studio that had its breakthrough with the Saw franchise and is young enough to make controversial choices, like distributing Kick-Ass when no other studio wanted that movie – and has earned very positive reviews.
Normally Horror movies are not really screened to critics to leave us the audience unknowing of how terrible the actual product is, so if there are already praise reviews more than 2 months away from the film’s start, it’s a really good sign.

Excitement: 80%


15.10. The Social Network

A facebook movie? Really? Well it’s written and directed by David Fincher, so naturally everyone already has this movie on their Oscar ballots. Let’s see if this movie manages to be a little more worthwhile than Benjamin Button.

Excitement: 60%


22.10. Paranormal Activity 2
Sequel to a surprise hit, don’t get your hopes up. We will watch it because of the first, but movies like Paranormal Activity only work if they are unknown.
The first one is already tricky. If you watch it, having heard that this is “the scariest movie of all time” you won’t be frightened for a second. If you just let it happen… well maybe you will watch the door of your bedroom before falling asleep. Now the sequel will have to deal with the backlash the original is currently suffering plus the concept is no longer new – it was a breath of fresh air when the first part arrived, but I don’t see any way how they can copy this movie.

Excitement: 25%


Probably around the same time: Saw 3D


Words can’t describe it.

Excitement: 25%


5.11. Jackass 3d
This movie might be interesting in the same way as Piranha 3d is… the third part… hint hint.

Excitement: 10%


18.11. Harry Potter

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EC2tmFVNNE]

Wow… it says a lot about this year if Harry Potter is the next blockbuster I’m looking forward to. Powered by our own nostalgia and the epic finale I can’t see a way how this movie won’t be at least entertaining.

Excitement: 85%


26.11. Devil

“A group of people trapped in a elevator realize that the devil is among them.”

Well that description leaves three opportunities:
1) A horror thriller
2) A trashy bad horror movie
3) A bizarre comedy

Excitement: 20%


10.12. Narnia
First one was “meh”, second one was overly long and preachy to a point where it got insulting – don’t expect much from that one.

Excitement: 10%


16.12. Tangled

Disney movie, watch the trailer, I don’t think it looks original or great in any way, it will make tons of money for sure, but yeah… that’s about it.

Excitement: 05%


17.12. Otto’s 11
Now this is a movie I want to see no matter how bad. Otto is a comedian from Germany and one of my childhood heroes. I don’t care if his movies are just a showcase for his old jokes, I’m an Otto-fanboy so don’t expect an objective review here.

Excitement: 55%


23.12. Little Fockers

Really?

Excitement: 09%


7.1. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Now this is just a crime. Scott Pilgrim comes out this week in America. A comic book adaption about a boy who has to battle the seven evil ex-boyfriends of the girl he is dating. Directed by Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) with Michael Cera (Juno, Superbad) this movie seems to be in the same category as Kick-Ass, a fun over the top celebration and a good time at the theatre.
Words can’t describe it, watch the trailer, judge for yourself…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0HUH_JZKKQ]

… and then curse the distributors for not releasing this movie in Austria until January.

Excitement: 95%


14.1. The Green Hornet
Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) directs this movie with Seth Rogen (Superbad, Pineapple Express, Fanboys) turning into a supervillain so that nobody suspects that he is actually trying to destroy the bad guys – in this case Oscar winner Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds).

Excitement: 50%


27.1. Tron Legacy

[youtube= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uQwjgZ0kQM]

No really, who has seen Tron?
Mark your calendars for a sequels, that took an almost 30 years journey. The original Tron has become a milestone in the history of special effects. A movie so ambitious for its time, it can very well be described as the Avatar of 1982. Fans have been pushing for a sequel and for 3 years Disney has provided Tron snippets at comic con, finally we can see Jeff “the Dude” Bridges return into the world of computers and don’t worry if you only understand half of this paragraph, there will be enough Tron coverage until this movie comes out.

So… there’s a very thirsty second half of 2010 before us…

Excitement: 100%

P.S.: Just for the record, the Indiana Jones line was sarcastic.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEndyAOpI8A]

EDIT: Forgot to mention:

29.10. Red

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayFfMfN5AvE]

Ridiculously over the top, that’s how I like it!

Excitement: 70%

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